The Center for Deforming Arts
With the new re-publication of our web site, we thought we would do the equivalent of marketing suicide by executing this gimmick of releasing four one-minute songs. But these aren’t just any one-minute songs; these are four highly dysfunctional one-minute songs.
The concept goes like this –
We will make four one-minute songs.
Each band member writes and sings one song. Four band members equates to four songs (mathematics is a required band competency).
Each band member cannot play the same instrument twice across all four songs. For example, our drummer can only play drums on one of the four songs.
Each track is recorded separately, and the next track is simply (and painfully) built upon it. Therefore, you are at the mercy of the first person up for each song. If you are fourth in line, then you are at the mercy of the three incompetents prior to you. It is kind of like trying to make apple pie, but using ingredients such as oranges, mustard seed, a piñata, and thumbtacks. We used a rotating schedule to give each person the same disturbing opportunity to screw things up.
Well, so what can one expect when the drummer ends up playing lead guitar and the marimba becomes a lead instrument?
You get songs about potholes, rugs, skiing, and the Spanish channel.
And you get timing issues. Recording each instrument totally independent of each other wreaks havoc with whoever is playing drums, especially when 75 percent of our hamster nation does not play (and can’t spell) drumms. If you listen closely, you may possibly notice some of these alleged timing issues.
OK, so you don’t have to listen too closely. We were like a stuttering grandfather clock in the back of a dump truck going down concrete stairs. Driven by Dick Cheney as if he were trying to run over some old lawyer guy.
So I know you are begging with the question of “why did you morons do this? You can barely piece together a song with instruments you think you can play.”
A valid accusation, to which we respond, “semper ubi sub ubi.” Which, in grammatically incorrect Latin, means “always wear under wear.’” A phrase my brother taught me when I was a wee lad.
Oh, wait, wrong answer. Plus we don’t abide by that rule anyway. So I will do the annoying thing and answer a question with a question – “have you ever sat behind a drum kit?”
Yes, this was just a total excuse to get everyone besides our drummer to sit on that spindly chair and be able to pound the holy bejeezus out of something and call it “music.” Such a powerful feeling. Even for those of us too uncoordinated to synch our feet with our hands and thus eschew the feet altogether, we felt this great power, a tremendous release of psychotic energy; very similar, I am sure, to how Dick Cheney felt when he shot that old lawyer guy.
Absolutely unnecessary segue – try the answer-a-question-with-a-question thing for, like, a day.
“Hey, I need you to go to the 1 PM status meeting and present an update on the Brent contract. Do you think you can make it?”
“Do you think I can do it?”
“Um, yeah. You put it together. Why would you say that?”
“Why would you ask me to go?”
“Because you put it together! Do you have a problem with going?”
“Do YOU have a problem with going?”
“Yes! That’s why I am asking you! What the hell is wrong with you?!?”
“What the hell is wrong with YOU?”
“Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!”
“Why are you screaming?”
Oh, what fun!
Actually, most of our band practices sound like this. Or Dick Cheney’s defense in shooting that old lawyer guy.
America: “Dick! You shot an old lawyer guy! Why did you do that?”
Dick Cheney: “Why wouldn’t I do that?”
America: “Good point.”
Anyway (he said, bringing resolution to one long, drawn-out segue), what’s done is done (so said Brutus after he whacked Caesar); or in other words, “semper ubi sub ubi” (so said Brutus after he whacked Caesar; this time, however, his tone was mocking). So we got this out of our system; this unorthodox bucketful of unencumbered bile, and we will be back to making the same orthodox bucketful of encumbered bile we know you expect from us.
Unless, of course, the whole concept of the lead marimba becomes this kind of marketing gimmick…
The concept goes like this –
We will make four one-minute songs.
Each band member writes and sings one song. Four band members equates to four songs (mathematics is a required band competency).
Each band member cannot play the same instrument twice across all four songs. For example, our drummer can only play drums on one of the four songs.
Each track is recorded separately, and the next track is simply (and painfully) built upon it. Therefore, you are at the mercy of the first person up for each song. If you are fourth in line, then you are at the mercy of the three incompetents prior to you. It is kind of like trying to make apple pie, but using ingredients such as oranges, mustard seed, a piñata, and thumbtacks. We used a rotating schedule to give each person the same disturbing opportunity to screw things up.
Well, so what can one expect when the drummer ends up playing lead guitar and the marimba becomes a lead instrument?
You get songs about potholes, rugs, skiing, and the Spanish channel.
And you get timing issues. Recording each instrument totally independent of each other wreaks havoc with whoever is playing drums, especially when 75 percent of our hamster nation does not play (and can’t spell) drumms. If you listen closely, you may possibly notice some of these alleged timing issues.
OK, so you don’t have to listen too closely. We were like a stuttering grandfather clock in the back of a dump truck going down concrete stairs. Driven by Dick Cheney as if he were trying to run over some old lawyer guy.
So I know you are begging with the question of “why did you morons do this? You can barely piece together a song with instruments you think you can play.”
A valid accusation, to which we respond, “semper ubi sub ubi.” Which, in grammatically incorrect Latin, means “always wear under wear.’” A phrase my brother taught me when I was a wee lad.
Oh, wait, wrong answer. Plus we don’t abide by that rule anyway. So I will do the annoying thing and answer a question with a question – “have you ever sat behind a drum kit?”
Yes, this was just a total excuse to get everyone besides our drummer to sit on that spindly chair and be able to pound the holy bejeezus out of something and call it “music.” Such a powerful feeling. Even for those of us too uncoordinated to synch our feet with our hands and thus eschew the feet altogether, we felt this great power, a tremendous release of psychotic energy; very similar, I am sure, to how Dick Cheney felt when he shot that old lawyer guy.
Absolutely unnecessary segue – try the answer-a-question-with-a-question thing for, like, a day.
“Hey, I need you to go to the 1 PM status meeting and present an update on the Brent contract. Do you think you can make it?”
“Do you think I can do it?”
“Um, yeah. You put it together. Why would you say that?”
“Why would you ask me to go?”
“Because you put it together! Do you have a problem with going?”
“Do YOU have a problem with going?”
“Yes! That’s why I am asking you! What the hell is wrong with you?!?”
“What the hell is wrong with YOU?”
“Ahhhhhhhh!!!!!!”
“Why are you screaming?”
Oh, what fun!
Actually, most of our band practices sound like this. Or Dick Cheney’s defense in shooting that old lawyer guy.
America: “Dick! You shot an old lawyer guy! Why did you do that?”
Dick Cheney: “Why wouldn’t I do that?”
America: “Good point.”
Anyway (he said, bringing resolution to one long, drawn-out segue), what’s done is done (so said Brutus after he whacked Caesar); or in other words, “semper ubi sub ubi” (so said Brutus after he whacked Caesar; this time, however, his tone was mocking). So we got this out of our system; this unorthodox bucketful of unencumbered bile, and we will be back to making the same orthodox bucketful of encumbered bile we know you expect from us.
Unless, of course, the whole concept of the lead marimba becomes this kind of marketing gimmick…
posted by Bedlam1313 at
7:16 AM
1 Comments:
dNSSeI write more, thanks.
By
Anonymous, at 12:44 PM
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